As I have mentioned in the past, I teach primary at church--the 11 and 12 year-olds. Today we talked about obedience, and tactics the devil uses to try to lead you astray. After my nice lesson, we went to "Sharing Time" and "Singing Time" which is an hour where all the older kids (ages7-12) come together and have an interactive lesson and sing songs. Well, one of my students, who I will call "J" really likes folding paper airplanes. I have asked him several times (nicely) to put the papers under his chair to show respect for the teacher. He will act like he is putting it under his chair, then bring it back up one second later. Does he think I'm totally dumb????? So, I tried to "eliminate the distraction" by taking the papers away, and he resisted my attempts by gripping the papers firmly. Are you serious, J? 11 years old and defiant.
It makes me sad that somewhere somehow this boy got the message that it is okay to blatantly disobey "authority." Further, his parent is also a primary teacher, and I don't know if he is just oblivious to his son's behavior, or doesn't care but I wish he would do something. I am going to talk to his father next week and ask him to talk to his son. Then I am going to talk to J personally and see if there is something going on that I need to understand.
I am not meant for this. I am not a "bad guy" and I struggle to be a disciplinarian. But I came home from church crying because I am sick of my class being disrespectful, especially J. And not just to me, but to the other leaders, including the stake primary leaders, who were at church today. Any ideas? I know many of you have experience with this. I don't want him to hate going to church but at the same time what he does is not acceptable. If I didn't have some sort of testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ, I would quit church because this is really really frustrating.
When all else fails, I can just fire him. (That was for you, Lizzy)
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4 comments:
Have you watched the video "Teacher do you love me?" Your situation totally reminds me of that. I know a lot of people that feel the same way about Primary: frustrated and want to quit church but know they shouldn't. Just continue to be firm. Go over class rules and consequences. If they break a rule, they need to know they were the one who chose the consequence by breaking the rule. If it's airplanes taken away every week, then so be it. Or parents coming to sit with the child. If you slip once though on enforcing the consequences, then they know they can break you.
Bribes work well too, having free time or game time at the end of lesson if everyone is good can be a motivation. You could have a 3 strikes your out rule to decide if the class gets game time. But, some kids will never get the hint, so just love them, pray, and talk to their parents. I find trying to involve the "difficult" ones more makes them feel special, whether it's having them teach a concept for you (ask ahead of time) or have them choose people to answer questions, etc. Good luck! I know Linda had a really difficult class once so you can talk to her too.
I would find out if he has issues. Some children will sit reverently and still if they are doing something with their hands. If the paper bugs you so much, give him a clump of playdough, it's quiet. He will probably sit very quietly and obediently if his hands stay busy. It's not that he wants or is trying to disobey. It's that he is a boy and they have lots of energy. I can't even sit still for 3 hours and I'm not a boy. Sometimes you have to step back and look at things from a different angle. If you really are not clicking then maybe you should talk to the president. Maybe you could get changed to a different class. Maybe this boy's dad could be his teacher.
At www.lds.org they have a great video you can watch on-line. Elder Ballard shares a story about how when he was bishop there was a boy in his ward who seemed to always be in trouble. He brought the boy into his office and told the boy he was going to have a special assignment - he had to report each week on Primary. Each week Elder Ballard, waited by his office door for the boy to come by and they would visit. It helped the boy want to pay attention and it built a feeling of love.
Have you done anything away from church with this class? It's fun to have primary class parties. You could have a Valentine's party or St. Patrick's day party. Let the kids decorate sugar cookies, play games, get to know each other and you better. Building these feelings of love will pay off because they'll want to please you.
It's kind of late for Valentine's but you could make them cookies and deliver them one on Thursday. You could definitely set up a St. Patrick's day party. I always enjoyed doing things away from the Sunday schedule to get to know my class better. I still have memories of a Halloween party with my class 15 years ago! It was too funny.
Oh, ug. I SO don't love this situation. I've been battling a similar case with my 6 year-old primary class - one rotten egg who makes the whole class difficult. I've tried a few things, some have worked better than others. I'll put in my oar and you can take it or leave it.
1. Relationship building. (Like Aunt Amy said) I learned that the kids wouldn't respect and obey me until they liked me. We had a cookie party and decorated sugar cookies and played silly card games. It was a good first step.
2. Class rules with motivation for keeping them. I had the kids come up with the rules and then I organized them into 2 categories: Love thy God and Love thy Neighbor. Issues with Reverence, singing, praying, etc. fall under the "Love thy God category" and any other misbehavior falls in the "Be a good neighbor" line. We set up a consequence for NOT being a good neighbor (parent comes in, talk to the bishop, etc.) and a reward system for those who were good neighbors (a home-made pizza party.) This really helped turn my rotten egg around.
3. Bring someone in to sit with the child - maybe a parent, but maybe someone else. Sometimes all they need is one-on-one attention and limits. It's too hard to do that if you're also trying to teach the class.
I tried all of these ideas and I watched a miracle take place: my rotten egg boy actually stopped being a menace in class and started participating and answering questions! He still has a "class buddy" with him every week and the combination efforts have worked magic.
Hang in there!
I love your song by the way. :) I don't understand it, but it's nice to listen to.
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